How to Deal with Your Partner’s Sexual Sin

Fr. Mike talks about how to navigate discussions with your partner about sexual sin—whether it’s pornography, masturbation, or other impurity.

It’s important to realize that sometimes a person doesn’t have a right to know everything about you immediately. Keeping this in mind, at what point does a couple have to be vulnerable about their sexual sins? After two months of dating, maybe six months? It’s quite possible—actually likely—that a person’s sexual sins are the most shameful part of his or her life, so when someone is not exposing those sins—no matter how long the couple has been together—it may just be that the person is not comfortable being that vulnerable with their partner yet.

A person has a right to be hurt and mad if their partner is not revealing their sexual sins, but he or she should also ask if they had a right to that knowledge. 

Father Mike asserts that such knowledge doesn’t have to result in the end of the relationship. Once the sin has been revealed, it should stay revealed. Neither partner should just assume that it’s in the past and done with. It’s bound to come up again.

If you’re struggling with sexual sin, your partner needs to know you are doing everything you can to defeat the sin. He or she probably shouldn’t be your accountability partner, but should be informed. If your partner is the one struggling, you ought to help him or her defeat the sin in whatever way you can.

Both of you should champion romantic love, since it is a strong combatant against sexual sin.

Meet Fr. Mike Schmitz

Fr. Mike Schmitz serves as Director of youth and young adult ministry for the Diocese of Duluth and as chaplain for the Newman Catholic Campus Ministry at the University of Minnesota-Duluth.

He is a presenter in Ascension’s ChosenAltaration, and The 99 programs, and has a channel on Ascension Presents.