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Mar 14, 2019

What NOT to Do During a Breakup

Fr. Mike Schmitz

Fr. Mike is asked a lot about what to do when your life is completely thrown off after breaking up with someone.

In a previous episode, Fr. Mike discussed four questions to ask yourself when discerning God’s will for your life. When presented with a new door (or big decision), ask yourself:

  1. Is it good?
  2. Is it open?
  3. Is it wise?
  4. Is it something I want?

Now when applying this discernment process to a relationship, you have to remember that the other person is likely asking him or herself the same questions. The hardest heartbreak, though, comes when the first three questions check out but the fourth question—Is this something I want?—does not.

In these situations, the one thing Fr. Mike says not to do is blame God. If you’re the one choosing to break up with your significant other, it’s easy to deflect the blame onto God and say he told you to do it. It’s more likely, however, that God gave you the freedom to choose what to do for yourself. So take responsibility.

If you are the one who was dumped, God still has a plan for you. You are more than a footnote to the life of your former boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t let anything he or she said make you feel that way. Go and find where God is leading you next.

Lastly, if you’re discerning the religious life and were turned down by an order or seminary, all these pieces of advice apply just as well.

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