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Jul 18, 2019

Signs that Your Relationship Is Falling Apart, Part 2

Fr. Mike Schmitz

Fr. Mike offers a follow-up to his episode on Dr. John Gottman’s “four horsemen of the apocalypse” with Dr. Gottman’s proposed remedy for a relationship that is falling apart: the Golden Ratio.

For every one instance of these four horsemen that signify a relationship is falling apart—which are defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt—there should be five instances of the opposite.

The four horsemen still rear their heads in the healthy relationships that Dr. Gottman observed, but these relationships have the following interactions five times as often:

  1. Giving respect and honoring the other person.
  2. Building up the other person and affirming them.
  3. Meeting the other person where they are.
  4. Opening up to receive their questions and comments in a positive manner.

If you feel like you’re in a relationship where the four horsemen show up too often, try putting this Golden Ratio into practice. 

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