How to Handle Your Husband

Do you cringe when Ephesians 5 gets read at Mass? Many people are uncomfortable with this Scripture passage which can seem politically incorrect in today’s world. Men are the head of their wives? Wives should submit to their husbands? What on earth can this mean?

Snippet from the Show

“Connection is more important than perfection.”


Shownotes

You can’t understand the passage of Ephesians 5 outside the context of love. You can’t. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t sound right.


Shownotes

My new book, Whisper: Finding God in the Everyday, is available to order!

This week, I take on this passage:

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of His body.” Ephesians 5:22-30

I discuss how we can only understand this passage in the context of love. It makes no sense otherwise. And then I detail 4 ways we can “handle our husbands.”

1. Listen to him.

I recently experienced God speaking to me very clearly through the words and guidance of my husband as I struggled to know God’s will in a difficult situation. It was such a touching and loving way to hear the voice of God and discern what he was calling me to do. God often speaks to us through the people he places in our lives and that includes your husband. Listen to him!

2. Don’t try to make things even.

Things will never come out even. Trying to make sure everything is split and shared 50/50 100% of the time will only inspire stinginess and selfishness. There is no room for that in a marriage where you are called to make a gift of yourself to another person.

3. Let him be himself.

Allow your husband to be different from you! The ways in which men and women are different is a great gift to each other and to our families. The more you allow him space and opportunity to be authentically masculine, the more you will be liberated to be your authentically feminine self.

4. Love him.

We can get so caught up in wanting to change or fix or “help” our husbands to improve, that we forget that love needs to come first. Whatever else is going on, we are called to love our husbands, and that needs to come first, without conditions and without trying to fix or change anything.

At the end of today’s show I share my thoughts on a question from Elaine about how to teach a toddler to obey.

Have feedback or an idea to share? I would love to hear from you!

Danielle Bean

Danielle Bean is the author of many books on Catholic marriage, motherhood, and women’s spirituality, and a well-known Catholic podcaster and media figure. In all of her efforts, Danielle encourages and celebrates all women on their unique vocational paths. She is the host of the Girlfriends podcast as well as the author of Momnipotent: The Not-So-Perfect Woman’s Guide to Catholic Motherhood, Whisper: Finding God in the Everyday, and You Are Enough.

Danielle is a dynamic retreat leader and an engaging speaker on a variety of subjects related to Catholic family life, education, marriage, and motherhood. She has been married to her husband, Dan, for 26 years and together they have 8 children.

Danielle Bean

Danielle Bean is the author of many books on Catholic marriage, motherhood, and women’s spirituality, and a well-known Catholic podcaster and media figure. In all of her efforts, Danielle encourages and celebrates all women on their unique vocational paths. She is the host of the Girlfriends podcast as well as the author of Momnipotent: The Not-So-Perfect Woman’s Guide to Catholic Motherhood, Whisper: Finding God in the Everyday, and You Are Enough.

Danielle is a dynamic retreat leader and an engaging speaker on a variety of subjects related to Catholic family life, education, marriage, and motherhood. She has been married to her husband, Dan, for 26 years and together they have 8 children.

1 Comment

  1. What if Paul is asking wives and husbands to look at the world from the Other’s point of view?

    During the Roman empire, men had to obey all day long. In the Roman legions everyone obeyed (on pain of death for not obeying). In politics, in business, men always had to obey.

    So Paul asks the women to put on the “masculine” verb of obeying. To see the world from his point of view.

    Meanwhile, women would spend the day raising the children, cooking, and keeping the things of the household organized and running. When the men get home from a hard day, what verb does Paul ask the men to put on? Love. The “feminine” verb. To look at the world from the woman’s point of view. And not to impose his workplace actions (and anger) upon the wife and family.

    This is great advice for all couples. If we consider the point of view of the Other, this will help all relationships and situations. Paul is asking us to exchange eyeglasses with each other. A great idea!

    Reply

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