There are many harmful myths about what it means to be single and Catholic. As you watch your peers and friends get married, it can be easy to think something is wrong with you for not also getting married. In this video, Lillian Fallon (a single Catholic woman) addresses 4 myths about being single and offers hope and advice to those seeking to live out their vocations.
1. You Have Done Something Wrong
Lillian says, “For as long as I can remember, there is a time Catholics are expected to get married. That’s typically between 21 and 25 years old.” There is a fear that if you don’t meet someone in college, you won’t meet anyone. There is also a fear that if you don’t meet anyone, you have done something wrong and messed up your chances of getting married.
“We must remember,” Lillian says, “God is beyond a timeline.” Think about what God has led you to as a single person. He has not abandoned you. He is allowing you to grow in your passions and in your relationships with siblings or nieces and nephews. When we try to cram God into a box, “we are rejecting what he is calling us to as single men and women.” You have not done anything wrong. He has a plan for you.
2. Being Single Is a Defect
“There’s an inherent vulnerability that comes with being single,” Lillian says. Your desires, heartbreaks, hopes, and dreams are there for everyone to see. This embarrassment stems from the thought that our singleness is a defect, a sign that we are broken. “The myth is that being single means we are unlovable or unworthy of love,” Lillian explains. She says we should never view our singlehood as a sign that we are unlovable. Instead, we should look at our lives, recognize the presence of God, and know our worth in his unconditional love.
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3. You Are Too Picky
The funny thing about this line, Lillian says, is that “Everyone that says this always seems to be in a relationship.” Why does it hurt so much when someone says this? This comment suggests that we are aiming too high. In other words, we should lower our standards and settle for someone. “Sometimes when I hear people say this,” Lillian says, “I think they are telling me that I am not worthy of the relationship I have been praying for.”
Lillian reminds us it is better to be single than taken by the wrong person. You should be selective and discerning with whom you marry. “Be picky about shared values. Be picky about shared vocations,” Lillian says. You are thinking about starting a family with this person. There is a difference between unfair expectations and standards for the one you are gifting your entire life to.
4. There Is a Reason You Are Single
When people are trying to make sense of a single person, they will often assume there is a deeper reason, such as narcissism or a character flaw that makes marriage impossible. “There is actually a reason you are single,” Lillian tells her audience, “That reason is God.” She shares that she went through a phase of trying to force a relationship into her life through dating apps and attending events.
Lillian says while she did that, she pushed God out of the picture, made her difficulties all about her, and forgot about God and his plan for her. She says it took some time for her to realize, “I don’t have control of when I meet the right person. Only God has that power.” God is calling you to be single right now. Ask him what he is calling you to do with your time and gifts. How are you to serve and love those around you during this time?
Watch the full video below!
Was this article helpful? For more from Lillian Fallon, check our her book Theology of Style: Expressing the Unique and Unrepeatable You!