Fr. Mike offers a follow-up to his video on Dr. John Gottman’s “four horsemen of the apocolypse” with this video on Dr. Gottman’s proposed remedy: the Golden Ratio. For every one instance of these four horsemen that signify a relationship is falling apart—which are defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt—there should be five instances of the opposite. The four horsemen still rear their heads in the healthy relationships that Dr. Gottman observed, but these relationships have the following interactions five times as often:
- Giving respect and honoring the other person
- Building up the other person and affirming them
- Meeting the other person where they are
- Opening up to receive their questions and comments in a positive manner
If you feel like you’re in a relationship where the four horsemen show up too often, try putting this Golden Ratio into practice.
Meet Fr. Mike Schmitz
Fr. Mike Schmitz serves as Director of youth and young adult ministry for the Diocese of Duluth and as chaplain for the Newman Catholic Campus Ministry at the University of Minnesota-Duluth.